Don’t Wait for a Breakthrough Moment: Create One!
Mar/100
Potential and Possibilities
We’ve all had breakthrough moments in our lives. Moments when a switch flicked, a light went on and a door to a new world of potential and possibilities opened up for us. For most of us, the door was always there to be opened but, for a range of reasons, we never turned the handle. Until that day.
Ignoring Reality
Invariably, the switch-flicking and door-opening (the internal shift) was the result of a situation, experience or circumstance that we found ourselves in. And it was usually an unpleasant one. My first big breakthrough moment came after many smaller and less embarrassing, but similar, moments. It’s fair to say I was (am) a slow learner. The lessons, the signs and the indicators (to change, to listen, to pay attention) were all there for me, but for the longest time I did my best to ignore them. I never allowed reality to get in the way of the stories I told myself.
And what stories I told.
One of my favourites was the “it doesn’t matter that you weigh more than your teachers and you’re only fourteen” fairytale. I fooled not only my friends but also myself.
Or so I thought.
The Beginning of the End
For me, the beginning of the end (of my fat, unhappy self) came at a school swimming carnival when I found myself standing on a starting block at the end of a pool next to seven other kids who weighed as much as my breakfast. It was the painful reality check I needed but clearly, didn’t want. It’s hard to hide 90kgs (200lbs) of teenage lard when you’re semi-naked and perched on a block of concrete with hundreds of people staring at you. Humiliation would have been a pleasant improvement on what I felt in that moment.
Transformational Pain
Although that experience was a painful one for me, it was also something that led me to make decisions and embrace behaviours which transformed my life (on many levels), and I believe, changed the course of my destiny. If I hadn’t experienced that feeling, I don’t think I would be the person I am today. I am grateful for that experience because it forced me to step into reality, to acknowledge who and what I was, and to take charge of my mind, my body and my life. And yes, it happened in that order (mind, body, life).
Even though I had that revelation at a relatively young age (fourteen), I often look back and realise that I always had the potential to create incredible and lasting change. Over the last thirty (or so) years I have consciously and diligently worked to make the decisions, changes and adjustments before I found myself standing on that starting block again.
So to speak.
The fit, lean, stronger, happier, more productive and creative (version of) me was always in there; I just needed to let him out.
I don’t know (most of) you, but if you’re like the majority then I know that you have more ability, potential and possibilities than you have ever imagined. If amazing (and lasting) results are what you’re after then my advice to you is:
Don’t wait for a breakthrough moment: create one!
So, why don’t you choose to make a breakthough this week? Just because you can.
Tell us about your breakthrough moments (in the past or present) or just say hi and share your thoughts on this post. And yes, that means you Lurkers (non-commentors) too.
Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig’s blog at Motivational Speaker.FREE eBook – So… You’ve Decided to Get in Shape (Again) Craig’s FREE eBook takes 20 – 30 minutes to read, and addresses the REAL getting-in-shape issues based on his 25 years of experience. To get Craig’s FREE eBook click here, weight loss books.
“Will I ever get over It?!”
Jan/100
I remember a friend telling me how long it took her to realize and fully understand that the best thing she could do was to forgive her husband when he walked out on her. In the beginning she was devastated. She felt so stupid that she did not see the “handwriting on the wall.” After all, she loved him and wanted the marriage to work. Yes, there was emotional abuse but she never expected betrayal and certainly not infidelity.
As Kathy continued telling me her story I encouraged her to go deep within herself and allow whatever she was feeling to come out. There was so much anger, grief, pain and shame; so many emotions that at times she wanted to scream, then cry making her feel sick inside. We’ve all been there, feeling that these memories will be seared in our hearts and minds always to return with unexpected emotional force.
Yet, telling your story is the beginning of your healing process. When you feel able, talk about what happened to someone you trust and who will be supportive of you. Tell your story as completely as possible including not only the emotions you are feeling as you tell the story, but what was going on inside of you as the events began to unfold. When you first tell your story, it may be incomplete. You ma need to retell your story to bring all the pieces together, what your feelings were, the meaning of what happened to you and perhaps to those around you. Talk about the question of guilt and responsibility. This may help you later in reconstructing a system of belief that makes sense of undeserved suffering. Remember to breathe as you tell your story. Breathing will help you manage strong emotions. If it is too difficult to tell your story, write about it or draw your story.
An exercise that can help you with your healing process is to do some journaling. Think of a situation where you feel you need to forgive someone and want to work through your painful emotions. Write your story describing what took place in detail. What happened to you and what possibly led up to the situation that you may not have been aware of at first. What were your thoughts and feelings and what meaning did you give to the event. What are your attitudes and beliefs about what happened. If there are several events, develop a separate script for each one. Don’t be surprised if new memories are recovered as you explore old ones. Write down everything you feel about the situation and the person causing you pain. Allow a stream of consciousness to flow across the pages of your journal and spare nothing. Remember that this is your private journal for no one else to see. After you have written everything down, ask yourself, “If I were face to face with this person, what would I say?” Let out the anger and the hurt in what you write and keep on writing until there is nothing left to say. Some questions to think about are “Why did this situation happen to me?”, and “What happened in that other person’s life that may have caused pain and brought him/her to the place they are today?”
You may need to rework your story until you have all the pieces together and that is ok. In my next blog I will help you deal with your strong emotions that you may be having difficulty with and how to put your emotional life back together again.
How Long Would You Wait To Have Sex If You’re In A Relationship?
Jan/100
The beginning of a relationship is a special time where two new worlds come together with both people throwing caution to the wind and taking a chance that could symbolize a life changing union, or it could be the start of yet another broken heart.
The way a relationship starts can often pave the way for its future viability. You would be wise to delay sex in the beginning if you can sense there is more to it than just sex – delaying sex also adds anticipation!!
Does the way in which two people meet have an impact on the outcome of how sex is introduced into a relationship? It is commonly perceived that it’s okay to have a one night stand if a guy and girl meet in a night club or bar. Even the rise in popularity of dating sites or an internet dating service is becoming a common way for people to meet for sexual gratification. However when couples meet by more conventional methods it seems to be more of an acceptable way to meet to find a long term partner before introducing sex.
If a guy and girl decide on a non committed relationship with a sexual component being the main focus of the relationship, then that’s one thing, but, when there is a special connection of the romantic kind, if sex is brought into the equation too soon during the relationship, sex has the potential to bring down what could have been a wonderful new beginning.
For many men, sex can be a prerequisite in order for him to want to keep his new flame in his life. As a result, many women are having sex prematurely so as not to disappoint her man, or risk losing him.
The contrasting views society has placed on men and women is never more evident when it comes to sex. There seems to be no problem with a man having multiple partners, and this behavior even breeds popularity among one’s peers. However when a woman openly sleeps around, her moral standards are brought into question, and many men view women with a high level of past sexual activity as non worthy long term relationship material.
For a woman to give in too easily to a mans sexual advances can have consequences that jeopardize the longevity of a potential long term relationship. Whether you believe this is a sexist attitude or not, men will view a women’s resistance to giving into sex too easily as a good sign of her character.
It’s very common for people to be guided by how society will judge them. And who is society to judge you! During different phases of one’s life it’s pretty normal to be more sexually active at certain times of your life. So we say – forget society and live your life on your own terms – and no body else’s.
Read practical advice about emotional freedom technique training – please read the publication. The times have come when concise information is truly at your fingertips, use this chance.