
Yesterday I suggested that the rules that apply to successful dating could be applied more widely to life in general. After all, when we go on a date, we want our partner to see us at our best – and what could be better than being at your best all the time?
With that in mind, I listed 6 guidelines that apply as well to life as to dating, and today I’m back with 6 more. Since life, like dating, can take a lot of different forms, these are still only brushing the surface, and I encourage readers to leave their own tips for dating and for life in the comments. Who knows, we might all become better at both!
1. A negative outcome can be better than a positive one.
Everyone wants to be liked. On dates, this often leads us to settle for less than we really want to avoid the negative consequence of being poorly liked by our partner. This, in turn, can give rise to awful relationships – disrespectful, overly dramatic, even abusive ones. If the goal of dating in general is to find that special person you want to share your life with, though, you need to risk being not liked by your partner – why waste time with someone that isn’t what you’re looking for? Every date that ends without the promise of a call can be chalked up as a success – provided you didn’t bend your character around what you assume s/he would like best. In life, too, failures can often be seen as successes, provided you learn from them and carry those lessons forward, and provided they were come by honestly, through your commitment to your own goals.
2. Be yourself.
It hurts me to see people pretend to be other than they are in order to impress a date. Pretending to have more money (or less), more education (or less), or different tastes than you have is such an awful strategy – first of all, who wants to build a relationship with someone who doesn’t accept you for you, and second of all, what’s going to happen when eventually the truth comes out (which it almost always does)? While there’s something to be said for the old maxim “Fake it until you make it”, as a general rule following your own dreams in your own way is the only real road to success and happiness. Doing things because others think you should (or because you think they think that) is bound to be unsatisfying, and incredibly difficult to maintain any kind of real motivation for.
3. Practice seduction.
Dating is all about revealing yourself over time with the intention of drawing a partner to you, eager to learn more. Likewise in life, people who are both interesting enough to merit attention (what Seth Godin means when he says “Be remarkable”) and open enough to allow their interestingness to shine draw others to them. But it’s all about the timing – reveal everything at once and you become nothing but a resource to be used and discarded; reveal too little too slowly and you become a bore.
4. The start foretells the finish.
Although there are exceptions, for the most part the way you and your partner interact on a first date sets the tone for everything that follows. If you’re open, honest, and comfortable at the beginning, chances are you’ll remain so throughout your relationship; be too closed off, self-conscious, dishonest, or negative, and you’re setting yourself up for failure – even if you and your date really like each other. When we say “first impressions count”, we’re saying much the same thing, but it’s deeper than just impressions. I know that as an educator, the way I interact with my students on the first day of class will carry through the whole semester; if I am personable and interact with them a lot, I can expect a highly engaged classroom, whereas if I do all the talking and take an authoritative tone, I can expect to spend the next 15 weeks lecturing with a minimum of student questions or input. Taking pains to get things off on the right foot can go a long way towards avoiding complications later on.
5. Be on time.
Really. Woody Allen once said that 90% of life is just showing up, and at least half of that is doing it on time. Imagine a date where your partner is late – what does that tell you about his or her feelings about meeting you? Now, imagine he or she is late for the first 5 dates? The first 10? Now what do you think of their attitude? Being late suggests that you don’t value the other person’s time, that you don’t believe they have anything better to do than to wait for you. It can also suggest that you’re incompetent and disorganized – not exactly qualities people look for in a person they potentially want to build a life with. Or in any other area – what applies to dating applies just as easily to the workplace, family gatherings, and just about everything else. While being punctual often goes unnoticed, being tardy sends powerful messages that are often nearly impossible to recover from.
6. Just say no – until you’re ready to say yes.
When it comes to sex, most of us are pretty aware of whether we’re ready or not with any given partner. Some of us are hot to trot after a good first date, others want to be married, and most of us fall somewhere in between. Regardless of your preferences in that regard, we all feel taken advantage of when a partner seems to demand we “give it up” before we’re ready. While most of us are fairly adept at keeping our pants on until we’re ready, in the rest of our lives we often stumble over “no” and commit ourselves to projects we either don’t want to do or don’t have time to do. This also leaves us feeling taken advantage of. Learn to say “no” when you need to – you’ll respect yourself for it in the morning.
Let’s hear your tips in the comments below!
Dustin M. Wax is a freelance writer and project manager at Stepcase Lifehack. He is also the creator of The Writer’s Technology Companion, a site devoted to the tools of the writing trade. When he’s not writing, he teaches anthropology and gender studies in Las Vegas, NV. He is the author of Don’t Be Stupid: A Guide to Learning, Studying, and Succeeding at College.
Follow him on Twitter: @dwax.
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Whenever you open your mouth, whether you're talking to one person or a thousand, you usually want to get a specific message across. How do you do that best when you are communicating through a webinar? What's different when the lecture is in the virtual world? How do you catch and keep your audience? Here are 15 tips.
In the Beginning
1. Use looping slides. Once your audience tunes in, how do you make sure they are entertained and feel involved even before the talk starts? The best way is with a series of looping slides.
Using looping slides is a great way to convey important information and keep attendees entertained while they're waiting for your presentation to begin.
These slides should communicate:
- when the session will begin
- the conference dial-in number
- your photo, name, and title
- what the audience is going to learn
- what to do in case of problems.
You might also have quotes about the content they will be learning.
2. Think Hollywood! Be creative in your use of visual appeal. Just as you would in a live presentation, tell stories and give specific examples-but in a webinar you'll need even more visuals to engage the audience.
Use more slides than you would in a face-to-face presentation. An easy way to do this is to reveal bullet points one at a time as you bring them up, rather than all at once before you discuss them. Using mostly visuals and little text (see the image) is even better. Keep it simple, keep it moving, and interact often.
3. Plan your structure. Outline your presentation on paper or a flip chart before you build the PowerPoint presentation. Don't be afraid to get messy before you get tidy. It's better to have fewer points and illustrate them well.
Be sure to
- introduce your objective
- sell the benefits
- explain the agenda and timing of your session (when will you allow for Q&A?)
- add any logistics, such as how the audience will interact with you.
Knock 'em Dead
4. Open with a grabber slide. Open with a grabber slide, a visual that will grab your audience's attention.
5. Use a hook. After the grabber slide, it's up to you to engage the audience immediately with a powerful and relevant hook that includes the word "you." Your hook might be:
A catchy fact: "It may interest you to know Ferraris hold their value more than polo ponies! I first learned this lesson when…"
A startling statistic: "Did you know that if you had spent a million dollars a day, every day, since Jesus was born, you would not have spent a trillion dollars. Please keep that in mind as we strategize how to increase sales by only 5 percent."
An intriguing challenge: "Ten years ago we were the market leaders. This year we are 13th. You are now in an exciting position to turn that around."
Strong openings grab your audience's attention—then, it's up to you to keep it. It's less effective to start with, "Good morning," than, "Welcome! You are in for a treat! You are about to learn…"
As you introduce the session, sell the listeners on how they're going to benefit. Keep them glued. Remember, they can't see you, so it's all too easy for them to answer their email or get a cup of coffee.
6. Introduce yourself second. Only once you've sold the session can introduce yourself (unless someone else will be introducing you). Do not introduce yourself first. You'll need to say something the listeners care about before they will care who you are.
Forge An Emotional Connection
7. Use a high I:you ratio. The most powerful communication combines both intellectual and emotional connections. Intellectual means appealing to educated self-interest with data and reasoned arguments. Emotion comes from engaging the listeners' imaginations, involving them in your illustrative stories by frequent use of the word "you," and answering the unspoken question, "What's in this for me?"
Use a high I:you ratio. For example, don't say, "I'm going to talk to you about webinars." Instead say, "In the next 56 minutes, you will learn: the six secrets of making a webinar work; the four benefits of using webinars as part of your client interaction; and the three mistakes our competitors are making when they use them."
8. Build in interaction. Depending on the technology you use and the format of your talk, make sure you interact with the audience when it's most logical. A simple method is to find that logical place and time, then stop and ask, "Based on what you have heard so far, what are your questions?"
9. Use memorable stories. People rarely remember your exact words. Instead, they remember the mental images that your words inspire. Support your key points with vivid, relevant stories. Help them "make the movie" in their heads by using memorable characters, exciting situations, dialogue, and humor. With a combination of your examples and visuals, it will be a memorable presentation.
10. Use effective pauses. Good music and good communication both contain changes of pace, pauses, and full rests. Pauses mark the time when your listeners think about what they have just heard. If you rush on at full speed to cram in as much information as possible, chances are you've left your listeners back at the station.
It's okay to talk quickly, but whenever you say something profound or proactive, or ask a rhetorical question, pause.
11. Avoid filler words. "Hmm, ah, er, you know what I mean?" In a webinar, filler words sound even more prominent than in person. Are you using them? Why not have a run-through and record yourself? As Michael Caine has said, "Rehearsal is the work, performance is the relaxation."
Before Closing
12. Review, and assume there are questions. As with an in-person presentation, always review your key ideas with the webinar audience before concluding. Then ask, "Before my closing remarks, what questions do you have?"
13. Tell them what to do next. Additionally, emphasize what the audience should do once the webinar is over. Be clear what their next logical steps should be. Send them off energized, focused, and ready to do something.
14. End on a high note. Your last words will linger. Make sure they are your own. Don't quote anyone else-and make sure they are powerful.
Prepare for Hardware and Software Mishaps
15. Have backup computers. Always have two computers tuned into the webinar. My associate Tom Drews, who is very experienced at hosting webinars recommended this technique to Jim Prost and me, and just in time, too.
During a recent webinar, right as Jim took the lead, his computer froze. I was able to jump in and delivered my portion of the talk earlier than planned, which bought Jim enough time to get his second laptop to the place where the first had frozen. He had it keyed up and ready to go, so it only took a few moments to synch himself back up. With technology, you never know!
(This blog post is adapted with permission from an article first published in eLearn magazine: http://elearnmag.org/subpage.cfm?section=best_practices&article=56-1)
As an executive speech coach and sales presentation skills trainer I coach my clients to improve both their sales and the quality of their meetings through effective presentation skills. Fripp Associates are experts in business communication and their services include teaching clients how to be more effective with online meetings.
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